Float Dissolve

This dream was pervaded with violence. It started in a bookstore/coffee shop. This guy I’ve seen around town in Manassas for the past couple years was sitting in a corner. He started yelling at me and I yelled back. I was standing in line and suddenly, I guess one of the guy’s friends, came up to me and started threatening me. It was more annoying than intimidating. I pushed him over and he became very mad. I realized I was with Robert and we both left.

I was in a house and this band was playing (actually multiple bands were playing at the same time). I was sitting in a room with Davey and one of the bands was all sitting around a table. Either Davey or I made a comment that they sounded like a certain band. One of the band members became very very angry. He left. Everyone was sort of shocked by his reaction. I went outside and realized he was coming back in some kind of MECH suit. He started firing missiles at the building and everyone. I ran inside and made my way upstairs amidst all the panic. Upstairs some people were relaxing and watching television. The sounds of killing were heard downstairs. I told the people in the room what was going on, they weren’t too concerned. I climbed out the window and hung onto the brick sill so I could move to the townhouse next door. When I reached over one of the bricks was loose and I almost lost my grip. I let the brick fall (I distinctly felt the texture of the bricks, things became very vivid at this point) and move over to the next house where everything was normal and a party was going on. I went up on the roof and Connie was there with some friends, she gave me a big hug then sort of stopped, realizing she was there with her girlfriend. I said hi to everyone.

From Samyutta Nikaya:

The five groups are the heavy load,
The seizing of the load is man.
Holding it is misery,
Laying down the load is bliss.
Laying down this heavy load,
And no other taking up,
By uprooting all desire,
Hunger’s stilled, Nibbaana’s gained.

cut grass
breathe in
nice smell

mixing broken limbs dissipate count to four please tuck your shirt in

mr.
mrs.
children

skinned knees satisfy countdown please take your clothes off
frustrate delegate mark it on the calendar we know it cannot wait

papertowels
to soak up
the moisture

This is for my ‘electro’ project.

corroded mountaintop wildlife fluffy entrails regarded as the seminal work on the subject
leaning forward into maybe next time nice try unbutton blouse examine insides
no sign of self can be determined
extensive runaway dodge ball parenting tips
it’s ok to hit they said go right ahead and rip everything out
this way there’s no chance of disturbing force-fed fuck ups sinking in their chairs afraid to move
sucking stale air
reaching without much conviction
tears cling for life on the slippery surface of these overused eyes
losing sensitivity like awkwardly positioned trials
close your shriveling doorways you might see what it means to throw away
absorbed by the much talked about pregnant void
please don’t sit her but you can still talk
disregarding repulsive iconic limerics from the past
they can’t bear to move forward searching for half-filled bottles
entirely whispering secrets
do you think anyone’s watching?
chasing paranormal can’t stop giving exchanging one too many piercings
slightly inaudible grinning discretely
where did they all go?
filthy fingernails so ecstatic to spend time wallowing differently
induce vomiting dark colored iris a delighted man
sucking the tongue of life-long misery addicted to entirely misguided curiosity
run backwards exclaiming devising exit plans synthesized leaky memories
entranced by this attractive carcass
whining about twenty-one years making weakling decisions over great distances
soaking sponges in overflowing religion
submerged in frozen incisions

such blissful streams emerge from simply contacting your eyes
watching the body stand still, quietly urging to hold you
to learn everything I casually missed when I had the chance
toy frog mediates a touch that would scatter light throughout me
tears somewhat made of happy that if it never happens again
antique occasions remind me of this is how to experience joy

this smile is made of pulled back hair
opened-toed shoes, feet turned in slightly

if this ghost image I’ve held onto is all I wake up to
it will be forever satisfying in place of someone that is not you

my eyes reflect each little movement as she hurries gracefully, arms slightly bent
each step a kiss to the ground
satin bliss is not acquiring this object
appreciating the quiet space between

and a breeze at night is all
the delicious meal is passing through me

growing flowers finds more happy
don’t cut them, they will wither on their own

i meant it all

Can’t remember if I ever posted this. Lyrics from a song. This basically describes the difficulties I’ve been having over the past year. You can get more lyrics on floatdissolve.

standing in fields staring at portraits of past lovers embracing clouds
bicycles leaning against invoice trees
collecting dust rusting leaves leaving smells behind
hinting at the empty space that was at one time still considered occupied
i feel more like a human today
less like purchased identity
glance at a walk on the each through tiny square lights
cascading these neural nets i at one time referred to as me
but it’s just all rented blue screen performance
clogged washing machine autoerotic computer chair
long hair fucking pieces of a tissue company
taking directions from letting go
this she fantasy disease drooling indigo spirals
beautiful oscillating profile set to private
alcoholic patience patent pending
software manual sits in inbox looks like a billion dead galaxies
and fear drain mixed media casual
buttons fall loose of thin white thread full stomach cracked cuticle grin
every keystroke screams of i’ve been here too long

don’t alright sweetie

Sometimes in my head I break things. For instance, I just smashed the window next to me. It’s a nice release for a non-violent person.

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