Float Dissolve

Standing at work and dicing eight cups worth of red peppers is a nice time to meditate. I was talking to a co-worker about how odd it is that I forget sometimes that people are actually eating what we are making. This sounds silly but when I’m pushing out plate after plate of food I easily forget that this is someone’s night out. It’s someone’s special occasion. It’s someone’s $18 meal.

Meanwhile all around me is the constant white noise of the hood fans, shrimp sizzling in 375° vegetable shortening, the crackling of wood burning under the grill, servers yelling to sell 704, the expo asking how my lead time is, the fry cook making endless innuendoes to either his or someone else’s penis, the hum of the dishwasher, the cascading ice and the stabs through them when someone is taking it to fill the soda machine. The occasional trip into the bathroom, or better, into the walk-in refrigerator, or better still, the walk-in freezer is enough to forget where I am. Even if just for thirty tranquil seconds.

And this is all happening in a small town in Northern Virginia. All over the world there are restaurants much more busy than we are. Pushing out much more food and flowing much more money.

While walking home tonight I looked at the façade of Hollywood Video. All of those movies are telling stories. Very elaborate representations of stories. One and a half to three hours, on average, of sitting and being stimulated by flashing dots and synchronized sounds.

It’s all so gorgeous. All of this.

Sleep is really something I need to take more seriously.

It’s so amazingly easy to get caught up in all the routines I have right now. I have to keep telling myself that the only thing that ever holds anybody back from doing anything is their outlook of the situation. And conversely the only way to achieve. Everyday I tell myself I have to find a new job and everyday I don’t. I’ve never had to write a cover letter before. Blaming anyone else for anything is only ever a distraction.

Here’s some music I like: Proem

Feed me better Sign the petition now.

This is a great example of what you’re supposed to do with celebrity.

I am very sleepy right now, due to my own actions.

I believe I am going to do some completely commercial drawings and sell them under a psuedonym. The Battlefield, Flowers, etc. It’s all practice nonetheless, no matter what the subject matter is. This way I’ll be able to cash in on my art. It’s a novel idea for me. Instead of “selling out” I consider it, “supporting my family”. Hmm. We shall see.

Wisdom does not come from studying great theories and philosophies, but from observing the ordinary.

…when we meditate it means we can no longer get away with that kind of lying to ourselves. We suddenly realize that no matter what anyone else has done or how unjust the society might be or what what our parents might be like, we can in no way spend the rest of our lives blaming anyone else - that is a complete waste of time. We have to accept complete responsibility for our life, and live it. Even if we did have miserable parents, were raised in a terrible society with no opportunities, it still doesn’t matter. There is no one else to blame for our suffering now but ourselves, our own ignorance, selfishness and conceit.

This is very profound.

Reflect on this because we tend to easily blame others for our suffering, and we can justify it because maybe other people are mistreating us or exploiting us or don’t understand us or are doing dreadful things to us. We’re not denying that, but we make nothing of it anymore. We forgive, we let go of those memories…

Breaking my habits is by no means easy, but it is entirely invigorating. I’ve taken to looking for little habits that I can change. I normally keep my keys and chapstick in my right pocket. I’ve started putting them in my left. I have no problem in the beginning of the day or remembering later that they’re in my left pocket, but when I take them out and use them they automatically go to into my right pocket. It makes me laugh that I’m doing this without thinking about it.

I think I will be getting a data entry job, which I find extremely ironic. I could be making two more dollars an hour doing monkey work. Making the essential sauces, desserts, what have you for a restaurant to open does not support my family.

The noise in our minds is only there because we put it there. Which means I can just remove it. I’m trying, I really am.

What a gorgeous day today. Last night it was raining, then it snowed, then it was sunny. I think we can all learn a lot from the weather. Following a general set of rules but deviating eradically. Weathermen also have the greatest job. If they are right or wrong they still get paid, also machines do their work. I am a bit tired now and words are not coming in a nice flow. They’re coming more like pez.